DOGGEREL

Variduck, Cessame, Bastardy, Drake
All of a sudden a rumpus did make
Felons for certain, and wayfarers all
They lifted the curtain and went to the ball

The ball it was held in Fraternise Green
Given by several knights of the Queen
The knights were all stout and their counsels were sage
But the Queen was quite fractious, befitting her age

Now, Variduck planned to take over the Realm
The minute he’d wrested her hands from the helm
But wrest as he might, their grip remained firm
For she was determined to serve out her term

Cess, who just knew that it couldn’t be right
To thinkle and scratchle and writhe in the night
And usurp a monarch quite justly installed
Said to young Variduck, “Sir, I'm appalled!”

“Our Queen may be boring and captious and gaunt
And treat us like animals, as is her wont
But surely she governs by right of her genes
And we should refrain from venting our spleens?”

But Variduck upped and went straight to the ball
Requisitioned a horse, sallied forth from the hall
Arrived at the palace excited and numb
And asked of the Queen was she willing to come

As soon as he heard she had given assent
He cleared out his nasals to start a lament
A song that the Queen was startled to hear
Was full of foreboding and terrible fear

“Cease that racket at once!” she commanded the wretch
“Or I’ll have you transported abroad for a stretch.
You make me reluctant to sit on your nag
When your songs are so risibly awfully bad.”

At that the young villain took hold of her head
And squeezed her trachea until she was dead
And smiling quite grimly, he took up the corpse
And gingerly placed it on top of his horse

Returning in triumph, he entered the hall
Without any compunction, broke into the ball
“Behold she is gone!” he announced in his glee
“And the inerim leader – of course, it is me!”

But try as he might, all the matters of state
Almost certainly due to their ponderous weight
Made him quite fractious and flaccid and down
So he came to regret his assault on the Crown

Now Variduck finds he is captious and gaunt
Treats people like animals, as is his wont
He serves out his term and awaits the event
That will finally show he is broken and spent